So in all truth, I've already been counting down (since day 58, to be exact).  But now I am just REALLY counting down.  Because, friends, in 10 days I will get married!!

.....something comes and shakes up my world.

Friends, this is a good kind of shake up.

First, I would like to say hello to everyone.  I am not sure if anyone reads this thing anymore since I am so lax at updating it.  But hello! to anyone reading.   I'm assuming I know you and that we are friends and that makes me happy and I hope you are doing well.

I am doing really well.

Josh and I have been reading this book The Sacred Romance together.  This is actually not about romance between a man and woman, but the romance between God and his beloved - which would be you and me.  This book talks about our relationship with God, as well as how Satan tries to disrupt that relationship through various methods.

I am starting to realize that Satan is less concerned with our behaviors and more concerned with our beliefs.  For years I have assumed that Satan is bending over backwards trying to get people to sin - to drink too much or have one night stands or simply live in a manner that glorifies ourselves.  And while I am sure Satan still tempts people to do those behaviors, I have recently begun to believe he is more concerned with getting into our heads and convincing us to believe lies about ourselves and God.  When I really think about it, every behavior stems from a belief; every behavior, whether good or bad.  If I believe the store closes at 9 pm, I will go to the store before then.  If I believe my friend is trustworthy, I will tell them my inner thoughts.  If I believe I am not loved, I will behave as though I am not loved.   I cannot think of any situation where behavior precedes belief. The behavior is merely a symptom of a greater issue, which is what my belief system tells me.

When I try to control my own life, it is because I believe God will make me do something I don't want to do.
When I find myself judging others for their actions, it is because I believe I am judged as well.
When I obsess over my appearance and go to unhealthy measures to change it, it is because I don't believe I am beautiful as I am.

And where have those beliefs come from?  I hate to sound like a crazy church lady, but I just realized how Satan has been playing me all these years.
I had no clue he was so sly!  I really thought Satan tempted us with thoughts regarding our behavior.  But holy crapoly (!) I realize how he has affected my life and relationships by messing with my beliefs.  This realization has completely blown me away.  I feel like my eyes have been totally open to this whole other realm that I had no clue was out there.  Josh is really interested in the topic of spiritual warfare, and he has been reading some books and talking to some people about it and sharing things with me that he has been learning.  And all of a sudden, I feel like God has opened my eyes to things I have been believing and lies I have been listening to for so long.  I haven't really done much reading about spiritual warfare- it's a topic I've kind of avoided honestly - but this new awareness about the devil's schemes has totally blown me away.

For awhile now, I have felt distanced from God.  I have felt like I've been going in the wrong direction, or God is displeased with me, or I am just not doing enough for God.  And because of those beliefs, I haven't wanted to  interact with God lately.  This book has been talking about how God just desires our hearts and our relationship with him.  It is revealing that God's goal is to have communion with us - in everything - and that Satan's goal  is  to disconnect  us from God and that relationship.  And what better way for Satan to disconnect me from a God that loves me than to convince me that he is displeased with me?  Do I want to talk to someone I am certain is upset at me? No way!  I avoid that like the plague!  How tricky of Satan to convince me God is upset with me so I won't want to talk to him.

Trixy trixy......
Does anyone have thoughts about this?  I am curious to know your take on the matter......

At any rate, I have to go write a paper now.  I just wanted to share my new revelation with people.  And I wanted to let people know that I am doing well and  that Josh and I are still engaged and decided to get married on May 8th.  And that feels like forever away, so I am sure I will have lots of time to write blogs about wedding stuff between now and then.. And maybe I will.

So I wanted to say thanks for the comments regarding my previous post.  I am feeling better, though every day I kick myself a bit for being back in school.  Argh.  I still wish I had studied this when I was in college the first time, but alas, that is not the case.  But I do feel better overall.  Thanks for the comments, friends.

In other craziness, Josh and I looked at wedding rings!    Join with me please, in being shocked.  Usually scenes like that only happen in my head, so the reality of looking at wedding rings together may have boggled my entire brain.  All my powers of concentration have ceased, and though we aren't officially engaged, I now lie awake at night staring off into space and thinking about weddings.  We've been talking about getting married for a little while, and I have lived in my little imagination believing we would get engaged sometime soon, but I am so used to living in my little imagination that it sort of shocked the pants off me when he suggested we go look at rings. 

So there it is, people.  Perhaps all my little pretend scenarios in my brain will come true. This has far reaching implications for our world.  I guess the world travelling tube system will also come to pass, gas prices will plummet, my room will be clean and I will get to paint all day. Fantastic!